This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
