I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
