I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
