he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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