did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
