tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
