In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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