I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
