Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
