You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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