UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
