didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
