some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
