Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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