Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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