I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
