it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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