Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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