I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
