so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
