i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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