I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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