I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
