i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This is my gift to your gina
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
