Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
