his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
then he tried to convert me to islam
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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