one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
