Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
