have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
