The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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