Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
