this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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