we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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