I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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