When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
