Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
