Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
