White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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