Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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