Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
