just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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