So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
