I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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