He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
