Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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