i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
