yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
