then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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