everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
