Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
