i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
