can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
