I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
