T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
