he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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