Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
