I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
