I hate all girls vehemently.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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