As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
