so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
