I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
