Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
