so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
