You made me cry and you don't even care
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
