I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
two words: eviction party
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
