U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
