My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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