rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
