im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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